the orange revelations of cosmic ikahana

a world view of a corner

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Writer's Block Question
What is something you would never want to change about yourself?

In spite of the fact that I have a list as long as Chile of things I would love to change about myself, it is good to shift the perspective and think of things I like about myself. In fact, just this morning I was lamenting a certain lack of acknowledgment from others about some of my more interesting and unique characteristics. It should be noted that needing acknowledgment from others is something I see as a human trait - not just a quirk of mine, but I wouldn't mind taking it down a notch or two.

I wouldn't want to change the color of my eyes. Physically speaking, it is about the only feature of mine that I'm at peace with. Always wanted to be shorter, to have rich, black hair, to have one of those muscular gymnast bodies and porn star features, and to have perfect teeth and a square nose. Someone didn't read my order form. But my eyes - well, I like having blue eyes and getting compliments on them. I'm okay with having gone bald. I wish I hadn't, but I don't like to fuss in the bathroom (bathrooms are for reading and long baths PERIOD), and I'm glad I just shave the head now and then and don't have to add "product" (a modern word I despise) and comb and curl and wave or whatever one does.

I think I'm pretty damn interesting. In fact, I'm one of the most interesting folks I know. I have a truly wide variety of interests, tastes, moods, and experiences. I like trash TV, Italian neorealism, trees, cactus, nachos, sushi, 70's porn, opera, jazz, blues, tamales, Mexico, hiking, birds, dogs, chickens, coyotes, wolves, experimental music and film and art, Picasso, old advertisements, Boston, Miami, Tucson, gnomes, caves, Bessie Smith, John Cage, history, Scrabble, Jean Genet, politics, socialism, museum cafes, coffee culture, food culture, wrestling, boxing, low riders, documentaries, folk festivals, noises, psychedelic music and art, and about six billion other things that immediately flood my mind. I try NOT to describe myself via what I "don't like" or "am not a fan" of, and I try to say "I guess I haven't given it enough of a try" or "tell me why you find that interesting" or "I'd be opening to experiencing it" more than I say "that isn't my scene" (celery and sex with children and animals being a couple of the exceptions to this).

Yet, still, I'm opinionated and I like that about myself as well. I hope it never comes from just being dismissive but comes from experience and deep thought. I think it does. I like that I have opinions.

I like that I value kindness above money and that I enjoy being around kids and not just adults and that I love animals (yet I'm okay with eating them). I like that I have experienced the gay culture of the 70's and the Seattle culture of the early 90's and that childhood I had in the 60's when things seemed so much simpler and safer and easy. I like that I had a family that exposed me to nature and animals, I liked that I grew up with pets and camping trips.

I like my almost encyclopedic knowledge of music and films, as rusty as it is getting.

I LOVE being gay - love it. Some folks hate it and I feel sorry for them. I wish I was a better artist and I wish I did it more and I wish I made a living at it, but I love that I am one, that I am a creative person and think in creative ways. I love my job and my husband, and son, and nephews and feel very fortunate that they are in my life (most of the time). I like that I love to be alone. I love that I connect with our dogs that I worship.

I think I'm an okay guy. I just wish I had that porn star body, but then I'd be so busy I wouldn't have time to read.

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I think you are a great person and, as you said, damn interesting!

Thank you, Jeff. I feel exactly the same way about you.

I'm so glad to see you focus on positive attributes. You have many. - Aunt Tilly

Awww, thanks Aunt Tilly. By the way, I added you to my friend's list. That will enable you to see my "private" posts which is the direction I'm going with Live Journal. Some are a little rantish. Some involve a certain nephew of yours, but I think he'd be okay with you knowing anything I've written, even during the rough patches.

You write so eloquently about your talents and achievements. Let's not forget what a wonderful writer you are, in addition to all else that you said, all true, all true. You are one of the most interesting people I have ever met on the internet and even in real life.

That is about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much. I look forward to the day when we can meet face to face. I'd love to get to know you in real life.

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